LIVIN’ LAS VEGAS LOCA:  report on a summer road trip (updated 102107)

My soulmate Lorinda belongs to the Association of Record Managers and Administrators (ARMA).  As a result, American Honda gives her the time and wherewithal to attend conferences.  These have taken her to Texas, Arizona, Hawaii, and various locations in California.  And whenever it’s possible, I go with her.

This was not the first time I’d gone to Vegas as driver and logistician.  But there was going to be a different flavor to this trip, because we were staying at the Hooters Casino Hotel (hereafter HCH) near the southern end of the Strip.  You may find this a bit hard to believe, but it was actually her choice:  the room price was much better than that offered by the place where her conference was being held, and it wasn’t difficult to drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the afternoon.  That gave me most of the day to hang out and relax.

Those who know me, know I’m not a big gambler.  I don’t just jump into the first game I see, and generally prefer playing for small stakes.  And the minimum bet on the HCH roulette wheel was $5.00, which was a bit rich for my blood.  Besides, Lorinda and I figured to go downtown to “Glitter Gulch” (the Fremont Street Experience) later in the trip.  But I believe that fortune favors the fearless.  And whether by the favor of Dame Fortune, or by just dumb luck, I fell into a fantastic confluence of events.  First:  the Hooters Calendar production crew was onsite along with at least 50 of the hottest Hooters Girls from all over the country and several other countries as well, to shoot for the 2008 calendar and a few other projects.  Second:  The Best Damn Sports Show – Period was there to tape two shows for later viewing.  As a result, my camera received a real workout:  1235 photos in a 2-day span.

The last time Lorinda and I were in LV (May 2006 with the Jedi) we stayed at the Motel 6 just next door; but we came over to the HCH for breakfast at the Dam Restaurant before going home.  We were served by a rather entrancing – and tall – young woman named Ashley, who (thanks to her height) made an ordinary waitress uniform look even sexier than the one Ruby wears to advertise her diner chain in California.  At the time, I told her that she rocked.  I didn’t figure I’d ever see her again… but when I walked into the Dam for breakfast on Friday morning, there she was!  A different server waited on me that morning; but when I signed the check for the meal I wrote “Ashley still rocks!  The Sumo Man” at the bottom.  The next morning, I brought my copy of the 2007 Hooters Calendar down to the restaurant and took care to sit in her service section.  She thanked me for the note and took my order.  Later one of the other servers lent her a Sharpie, and she autographed my calendar on the “Queen of Hearts” poster.  I took a picture of her while she did this… and before I left, she allowed me to take another one (hereby presented).  Thank you very much, Ashley:  keep rocking my dreams, and may all your dreams come true.

I got down to the pools in the late morning on Friday.  The pool with the waterfall ran a bit cool, but that didn’t bother me:  the temperature was already approaching a “warm” 108°F.  (In Vegas, they don’t consider it “hot” until the temperature reaches 110°F (43.33°C).)  I stood under the waterfall, and did some stretching as the crews for the calendar shoot, the ancillary activities (there were a lot of video cameras moving around the area) and the BDSSP were busy on their respective productions.  I helped place two platform stands in the pool, then put the padded platforms in place for a variation of “Joust” from the old American Gladiators TV show.  Not long afterwards I had the feeling I’d reached my limit of sun exposure, so I returned to our room (744), which had a commanding view of the entire pool area and allowed me to hook up the camera to AC power.

One of the side productions appeared to be of a “Bikini Games” between two teams:  three blondes in blue, versus three brunettes in red.  One girl from each side climbed a ladder to get onto the platform.  They were then handed (what was probably) a piece of football training equipment, to be used to knock the other girl into the water.  Both blondes and brunettes fought with enthusiasm.  When that was done, they did a Rube-Goldbergesque relay race where one girl would carry a watermelon across a pool, another girl would bounce down an astroturf-covered course on a kids’ “bounce-ball”, and the third girl would paddle from point “A” to point “B” on an alligator pool toy while being bombarded with soft footballs by the other bikini team.  This should definitely be designated an Olympic sport (but only after sumo is).

I went downstairs for lunch (chicken strips with Three Mile Island sauce, ice tea) and went out onto the pool deck for a moment.  The word was that Vegas magic shows were going to receive BDSSP segments… and that Friday’s show would feature former Baywatch babe Pamela Anderson, who was now assisting magician Hans Krok in his show.  I was in position to get this shot prior to her going on for her segment.

The taping started after I returned to my seventh-floor aerie.  After Ms. Anderson finished her segment, she got up and started back to the green room.  But then she turned toward the north pool and deliberately jumped in!  Instantly every camera that could bear was turned on her, mine included; but my seven-floor height advantage gave me good coverage of what was happening.  I have decided to make available a low-res version of the best picture in the bunch. Click here to view it. If this makes me a paparazzi… then so be it.

On Saturday, I figured to wait until the pool area was in the partial shade of the tower before going swimming again (to avoid sunburn).  So after breakfast I went out onto the pool deck to see the sights and snap some pics.  Near the fitness center I encountered a gentleman taking a photo of Judith, a Hooters Girl from Germany.  After an exchange of pleasantries, he handed me his Sony camera and asked me to photograph the two of them together.  After I had done so, he offered to return the favor with my camera.  The result is at right.  (Judith is in the 2008 Hooters calendar, in the International section.)

No bikini games that day:  instead, there was a bikini fashion show being put on by Skinny Dip Swimwear (a little oxymoronic, wouldn’t you say?).  For this, the Hooters Calendar production crew assembled a Lexan and aluminum runway in the waterfall pool.  Here the calendar models selected to participate in the show parade before the other models.

For Saturday’s BDSSP show, Penn & Teller were the magical guests.  Here Teller is being walked in by two of the calendar girls with his loquacious partner watching the show.

Whenever Lorinda and I are in Vegas (or Phoenix, or any other reasonably-sized city in an English-speaking country), we track down used bookstores and plunder their treasures.  She also raids thrift stores (for clothes) and scrapbooking stores.  In two days I ended up spending over $100.00 on books and DVDs.  Books are treasures.

We went downtown on Sunday night for dinner, and to find inexpensive games to play.  The roulette table at the Golden Gate was cold, only one hit on my special number block.  I had budgeted $50.00:  when it was gone, I walked away.  But Lorinda fell into a $3.00 blackjack game (open face, from a shoe) with a bachelorette group (including the bride) and the dealer appeared to be loose and fun.  On occasion she would indicate her cards and ask me what she should do.  (Against a shoe, keep hitting until you have at least a 15:  this deprives the dealer of the small cards that turn his/her breaking hand into a winner).  When a seat opened at this table, I sat in.  After an hour of play, I was a bit ahead, but I ended up walking away from the table with what I’d started with.  I was satisfied.

The drive home was not bad, and it was really great to sleep in my own bed with nighttime temperatures in the low 60s and not the high 80s.

If you're going to LV for a weekend and are planning to drive, here are some common sense recommendations:

1) Check all of your vehicle's fluids (especially the coolant and oil) and tires. Then double-check them.

2) Drive out no later than Thursday night. The weekend traffic on I-15 is hellish, and the heat makes it doubly so for your ride.

3) Pack drinking water (at least two quarts/liters per person per day; three is better) and protein snacks (they satisfy hunger).

4) If you have a cell phone charger that plugs into the accessory port of your vehicle, keep your phone fully charged.

4) Wait until Monday to drive home.

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